Sometimes it happens that you tell yourself over and over, explain to friends and family and somehow it gives you confidence and becomes true.
Today I interviewed for a pharmaceutical company. I’ve never worked for a pharma company my entire life, and the depth of my experience is serving grassroot communities, to the tune of “nationbuilding” and public health. For a long while, I knew my frustration was in finding my next niche – to prove how much further can I take myself and still be passionate about the things I want to do. For said long while, I have been in countless conversations, both professional and casual, regarding what my “next step” would be.
At the beginning I would just say “it depends on the opportunities”, veiling the fact that it was my deep dive into the different aspects of the health industry that were opening up possibilities for me. I know now that it was an indecision borne from not committing to the things I wanted to do – which I figured now was a broadly meant “something else”.
I realized I wanted to do something else, like my undiagnosed ADHD, other than what I’ve been doing and known to do. I wanted to work differently, advance further into my career or whatever other passion, and do my best from there. Only then did I verbalize what the opportunities that opened up for me were. I found myself talking about public health A LOT, mostly because it’s been all I’ve known for the longest time, and because these were the things I found interesting. I realized I liked talking about what I did for public health as well – there was power in ownership and significant growth in recognizing the things I did “right” and the things I learned from. I realized this during a job interview.
To get to the point of all of this, within the same job interview, I received what I would usually see people in America do when they find out a person has served the military: I was told “thank you for your service in public health”. My ears prickled at the thought of being thanked for all that I did. It came also, from someone that didn’t know me, and only read from my resume and the things I talked about. A person who I didn’t serve, nor knew exactly how I served. It felt good. It awakened in me the desire to be something more – after having fully internalized (as one does for trauma, and also in mindfulness) all that my life has been in the service of public health. It made me realize I wanted to do, be and grow “more”. I was then energized (and less bummed) that the searching for that next “thing” is taking a long while – and that I would prioritize the things I haven’t done before and can grow from. Then, I’d have more stories to internalize and learnings to glean from.
In the Game of Thrones series, they say words are wind ~ the human psyche, and the rollercoaster of intrigue in that book would confirm the same, but I feel like they are still powerful. Sometimes, wind can be a soothing gentle breeze, other times it has the intensity to power cities, and sometimes, it’s a typhoon to the soul. A typhoon that changes you, oftentimes for the better.
truanthoughts 
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